The unintentional theme for movies with mom has been about families living together. The interesting part seems to be the things that stand out to us differs a bit. For me, as a young girl I loved watching my mother get ready for work. I was amazed at how she would effortlessly pull a blouse, long skirt, pantyhose and shoes together. Her face glowed and her lipstick looked like it lined her lips perfectly. Unlike my wavy locks, my mom’s sat pristine without a hair out a place. This memory came into focus for me when Lily, J.R.’s mom was preparing to leave for her new job. As she stood at the door, she looked into her son’s eyes for approval. He nodded and said, “You look perfect.” I could relate to their shared moment between parent and child. I still think my mom looks perfect!
Tender Bar was directed by George Clooney based on J.R. Moehringer’s memoir about his childhood and writing career after Yale. The movie on Amazon Prime follows a young J.R. and his mother as they move back in with Lily’s parents, brother and other family members that rotate in and out of the home. Uncle Charlie played by Ben Affleck is in many ways the consistent male role model in J.R.’s life. He runs the local bar The Dickens, where he teaches J.R. life lessons. The family endures illness, job loss and heart break, but the consistent things that stood out are the love of family and J.R.’s mother’s words “Harvard or Yale.” It was almost like a regular goal setting session she would repeat throughout the years. His Uncle Charlie sparks the light for J.R. to want to become a writer and the rest is a journey that deserves the screen time it receives.
For mom the movie reminded her of my dad, he was a father figure to many, and she connected with Uncle Charlie’s role. I was most intrigued by J.R.’s mother. She is strong and during the hardest obstacles in her life ensured that J.R. was protected and knew his worth. She showered him with positive words of affirmation which no doubt played a role in his success. Studies show that less than 4 percent of low-income students make it to Ivy League colleges, yet J.R. did. The research documented since 1960 shows that “parent academic expectations were correlated with the child’s future academic attainment.” I couldn’t help but feel grateful that I was raised with a mother I wanted to emulate. I went looking for pictures we never framed but have stayed close to my heart. When I wanted to type on my mother’s typewriter, my parents bought me my own. What a treasure to have that support and confidence instilled in me; that all things are possible (that’s one of my affirmations).
We do see J.R. struggle with doubt, at one point his younger self tells the older inebriated self to “go back to sleep, wake up in twenty years and tell people how good you could have been.” I guess we can say tough love, or a different style of words of encouragement. I challenge you to consider trying out a few affirmations from a fellow blogger. Remember, it is a gift we should all treasure to have the ability to use words to uplift ourselves and others.
Thank you for taking this journey with us.
Dawn XO
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